The Psychologist
by nanosniper
Summary: Code Geass goes to the Psychologist! Please R&R, my second fanfic. Meet C.C. the pedophile. This will never become a T, both in name and content.
1. Chapter 1

C.C at the psychiatrist.

Mr. Pedofile leaned back on his comfy armchair and stared at the patient across him, a teenage girl with long green hair and golden eyes.

"Now then Miss…" He consulted the file in front of him. "C.C? Funny name. Anyway, tell me about your problem Miss C.C." S

She nodded, and said, "Well, there's this boy I like…"

"Perfectly normal." Mr. Pedofile replied. "You are a teenager after all. My son's a teenager too, and his hormones are currently on overdrive."

"I haven't finished." She said quietly. "He's…" C.C. thought about it for a while. "Younger than me."

"Ah… a younger man is he?" Mr. Pedofile said slowly. C.C. nodded. "Yes, by about seven hundred years."

"Seven hundred years? That's quite a- SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS!" He screamed. C.C. nodded imperturbably, as if she dealt with screaming men every day. "Yes, I'm immortal, you see. I've been around for seven hundred years. Your great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother was my best friend. She gave me this name card." C.C handed him a piece of yellowed parchment in a glass case to protect it from disintegrating into dust. It said:

**The Pedofiles!**

**Top Psychiatrists: The Best in the 14th Century. Afraid you're a witch? Scared that you are a pedophile? Come to us – we'll dig out your brain and examine it, and we have a 0.% survival rate! Send us a pigeon (Hopefully disease free. Generally.) At 1800-WE-ARE-PEDOPHILES NOW!**

Mr. Pedofile nearly fainted. He took a gulp of coffee from the thermos beside him. "Ah yes." He managed to say.

"Yes, and I'm afraid that I've become a pedophile. I mean, a seven hundred year old immortal witch loving an eighteen year old demon emperor who is currently taking over the world with a mystical power called Geass which allows him to control other peoples' mind, and then will die to bring about peace? Doctor, what should I do?" C.C. stared at Mr. Pedofile, whose hands were shaking so badly that coffee constantly sprayed out of the thermos in his hand.

"Yyyyesss, let mmmmeee ssssseee nnnooowwwww," Mr. Pedofile stammered. The unusually thick file on C.C. now made sense, if his family, who had been running the Pedofile agency since Arthurian ages, had kept a file on her since her first visit. "YYYooouuu sttttilll havvveee a teeeeennnnnaggge mind annnddd body rightttt. Thhhhisss mmmeeeaaannnsss yyyooouuu aaarrreee nnnooottt a pedoppphile."

"Really?" C.C. brightened. "Thanks, doctor. Goodbye." She skipped out of the office, making a beeline for the nearest Pizza Hut, Lelouch's credit card gleaming in her hand. (Some things never change.) Back at the office, Mr. Pedofile thought to himself, "I hope the next one isn't as loony as the last one." He looked at the next name on his list: Lelouch vi Britannia.


	2. Chapter 2

Lelouch vi Britannia at the psychiatrist.

"Come in!" Mr. Pedofile said. A tall, black haired man opened the door and stepped him. Behind him, a well-built blue haired man followed, his face hidden due to the fact that he was bowing. "You may stay outside, Jeremiah." Lelouch said. "YES, YOUR MAJESTY." Jeremiah screamed. He flipped out a long, gleaming object from his wrist, and straightened. It was then that Mr. Pedofile saw his face, or more accurately, the metal piece attached to his left eye. Jeremiah flicked his arm, and the long gleaming object was at Mr. Pedofile's throat before he could scream, "Is that a SWORD!"

"If you hurt HIS MAJESTY, I, JEREMIAH GOTTWALD, WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU!' He bellowed, pushing the point of his blade into Mr. Pedofile's throat so that it was a mere hair's breadth away from drawing blood.

"Y-y-y-es-s, of-f c-c-course. I u-u-un-nderst-tand." Mr. Pedofile stammered.

Jeremiah grunted and removed the blade, before stepping out and closing the door. could hear him screaming at his secretary, Loleecon. He gulped down a cup of coffee to fortify himself. "Now then, Mr. vi Britannia. What is your problem?"The patient sat down. "Well, you see, the thing is, I am the 99th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire." "Ah, really?" Mr. Pedofile said, thinking: _Mad as a Hatter. Other psychologists get Asperger's, depression, but noooo, __**I **__had to be the one to get a immortal and an emperor wannabe._

Lelouch vi Britannia seemed ignorant of the fact that he was thought to be bluffing. "Yes, indeed. However, after I become the ruler of the world and terrorize the entire population of humanity, thereby focusing their hatred on one man, me, and then proceed to die and thus kill the hatred that has been directed to me and allow mankind to progress into the future. However, I have one small problem." His cheeks coloured a bright red, and he muttered something beneath his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" leaned in, in spite of the insane bodyguard outside who was threatening through the glass door of his consultation room decapitation, castration and all manners of horrible things to all who got within a meter of HIS MAJESTY, and was being held back from him only by Loleecon, whom Jeremiah apparently could not strike due to something called chivalry. Lelouch said in a louder (slightly) voice, "I am afraid to die."

"Really?" Mr. Pedofile said, playing along. "Well, in these situations most people would go to the nearest bar and spend the hours before their death screaming at the bartender for more beer and then humiliating themselves by dancing on the bar top like an insane badger. However, for you, I'd suggest that you go instead to your nearest wine cellar (You do have one I suppose, seeing as you're an Emperor and all,) and spend the hours before your death screaming at the wine master for more wine and then humiliating yourself by dancing a top of your shelves. The aristocratic equivalent you see. The wine should get you drunk enough to do anything, even waltzing down to the mall naked."

"Really now." Lelouch vi Britannia considered. He stood up. "Very well then. I shall try your suggestion." He turned to leave. Then, something in 's brain clicked. "Excuse me; you wouldn't happen to know a girl called C.C., would you?" The patient turned, a gleam of recognition in his eyes. "The immortal witch?" he asked slowly. "Well…yes." Mr. Pedofile said. "Hmmm, why yes I do. Why?" fainted dead away.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for reading. Please Review.


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